The Dating Game Part III: High or Low Maintenance?

"Well it sounds like Contestant number two is just overflowing with

sensitivity Sharon. It's a tough choice so far. Sharon lets have your last

question and see which one is gonna win the rights to your Neden."

Insane Clown Posse

If I ever want to get laid again, I should probably stop blogging. 

Sorry.  When you get the ball rolling with Insane Clown Posse, chances are potty mouth will be kicking it around. 

And then there's this:

The 12th-century book The Art of Courtly Love advised that "True love can have no place between husband and wife." According to one view, clandestine meetings between men and women, generally outside of marriage or before marriage, were the precursors to today's dating.

Having said that (and probably unrelated), it has recently been pointed out to me that I am too low maintenance. Lady friends are chomping at the bit to elevate me to a higher level, and I'm getting all sorts of advice on the do's and don'ts.  I told one friend that I didn't want to be too high maintenance and she immediately cut me off and said, "You should be!"

This is a conundrum.  I do not know exactly how to be high maintenance. I've made attempts, but somehow I just haven't pulled it off.  My masculine Ruby Lou energy definitely has the attitude and the sex appeal, but I think my downfall has always been Kimmy Sue...the overly intuitive part of me that sees the good in everyone, and makes excuses for everything else.  And then ultimately, just gets pissed off. 

Talk about a vicious cycle.  Self abuse anyone?

Yep, Kimmy Sue was raised to speak when spoken to and always clean her plate, no matter how bad it is. You could put a bowl of shit in front of her and she'd say, "Mmmm...shit...I love shit...can I get nuts with that?...oh, is that corn? I just love corn!"  Hell, KS will ask for seconds. The bad news is she simply must have the recipe so she can take it home and make it better, at which point she will turn it into a casserole and throw it back on the table.  On a good day, she might give you a shit biscuit to go with it.  On second thought, that might be a bad day...as in, that's probably KSRL for "getting even."

(Translation:  Codependent behavior, followed by a shit fit.)

Obviously, a big part of my evolution is a struggle to find the balance between being polite and speaking up for myself.  This could also be referred to as compassion with boundaries. 

If you are a girl raised in the south, you know exactly what I'm talking about. 

Back to compassion with boundaries.  When you miss the mark regarding compassion with boundaries, then you have anger and you have to acknowledge that anger projected is usually anger with yourself.  If the law of attraction dictates that you get what you ask for or expect, then you really can't be angry with anyone but yourself.  Forget all the bullshit you believed based on your PAST personal experience. It doesn't matter.  All that matters is what you accept for yourself right now.  I'm learning this at a faster rate than ever before.  It ain't easy let me tell you, but I am determined. 

So.  Low maintenance.  I once dated a guy for over a year and he took me out to dinner once.  Nice guy actually, but very selfish.  Now, the Kimmy Sue part of me understood why. It had nothing to do with money either.  But I accepted it.  Oddly enough, he never got a shit biscuit.  Possibly because he was the best kisser in the world, ever, to this date. At least I got something out of it. Anyway, that was one wounded little boy and all I could do was shower him with kisses and a compassionate ear.  Yet, I felt unappreciated.  After I broke up with him, he told me he loved me.  Go figure.

Somewhere in the middle was a history teacher that I dated for 2 1/2 years.  He satisfied my need for quirky conversation and we took turns buying dinners.  Truthfully, this seems fair to me.  I've never been on board with men having to pay for everything.  He also had the best butt in the world, ever, to date.  Seriously, he could be a butt model.  You know, now that I'm thinking about this experience I want to say it was a pleasant, benign break from everything.  It wasn't exactly right, but it wasn't wrong. 

I did have one really good experience with a wounded little boy.  And it gives me hope for the future because the memories remind me that it is possible to find the balance between mutual comfort (we're all wounded right?) and codependence.  We saved each other. 

I won't bore you with more stories, but here's where I mention a close friend and unofficial spiritual teacher who highlighted my tendency to attract wounded little boys like stink on shit. 

In closing, I will admit that I still haven't found the perfect balance between being polite and speaking up for myself.  It's a work in progress.  However, Ruby Lou has truly shown Kimmy Sue her balls.

So, ladies...KSRL speak for high maintenance:  if your balls are bigger than what's knocking on your door, it ain't got no business "sniffing your Neden."

By the way, this is not an angry blog.  I am grateful for everyone that has crossed my path and helped me to get where I am now.  I'm also laughing. Hey, better late than never.

And I can't tell you how much fun it is to have names for my own duality.  KSRL is but one way to evolve.  There are many, but this is my way...spiritual comedy.  Unfortunately, sometimes I nail the punchline and sometimes I don't. 

Also, (having a Leo moment here) I'm an official acronym...check it out:

http://www.acronymgeek.com/KSRL

Source

The Dating Game: Who's in charge?

"We can dance, we can dance, everybody takin' the cha-a-a-ance...is it safe to dance?"

- Men In Hats

So the subject of dating has come up.  Damn.  There is nothing in this world that makes me more uncomfortable.  I'd rather stick toothpicks in my eyeballs than do what a lot of my friends do...advertise and shop.

I didn't realize until recently just how much I've avoided that whole process, in one way or another.  At a rather young age, the balance between trust and caution tipped the scales in favor of self preservation. 

And I'm not the lone ranger here.  Life is hard sometimes.  At any given point in time, we are a culmination of everything that has gone before.  If we're smart, we learn from it...and let it go.  If we're stupid, we get stuck.

I am stupid.  I've been married three times for all the wrong reasons...and without really meaning to.  It just happened.  And there was love, or something damned near like it, in the safest place to be - off the market. Gotta hide somewhere, right?  And we all hide from something...mainly, ourselves.  Or maybe it's just me.  Maybe I'm the only idiot on planet earth.  I highly doubt it, but it's possible.

Fortunately, I have a saving grace or two - a very deep sense of humor and a strong connection to "spirit."  I am very grateful for these attributes.  They allow me to laugh at myself and understand that from a big picture perspective, none of this really matters.

However, here we are.  On planet earth.  Human.  Admittedly, I've had some "out of this world" experiences in meditation and, on occasion, in my growing energy healing practice.  I don't see people so much as I feel them. As a result, my circle of influence has shifted quite a bit the past few years.  So now, at least, I know I'm not alone in that respect.  Thank God...or, whoever is in charge.

However, here I am.  On planet earth.  Human.  Luckily, the past few years of my life found me in exactly the right place at exactly the right time.  I unloaded thirty years worth of anger that I could no longer run away from.  Now that I'm "clear" of that, I'm left with the only thing to be found beneath any mask of anger.  Fear.  Double damn.  I may not be angry, but I still suck at being vulnerable. 

Which brings me back to dating.  Double doody damn. Where are those toothpicks?

Alright.  Kimmy Sue's gonna shift gears and give Ruby Lou a chance to run with reality and bring it down to earth.  (Or maybe it's the other way around?)

Why do people date? 

Well, I think it's safe to say that as human beings we all share a very basic human fear of dying alone.  It's normal.  As independent as I have always been, I can honestly admit that the thought of dying alone doesn't appeal to me either.  I'm pretty sure we all would like to know that in the end someone will be there...someone who cares enough about our stupid ass to call 911 when we fall and can't get up, or feed us when we can no longer feed ourselves.  That's what it really comes down to isn't it?

But...how to get there?  That is a question that seems to be forgetting the answer more often than not.  Especially today, with divorce rates being what they are.  I personally think marriage and divorce should be eliminated from the relationship dictionary.  The only thing you should ever have to sign for is a loan.  And a loan is something you borrow.  Just saying.

Either my gear shift is sticking, or Kimmy Sue and Ruby Lou are on the same page today.  Lucky you.  Ruby Lou swears way too much.

Where was I?

So, I've got friends trying to "fix me up."  I'm not quite ready for that, but for now I am rethinking my methods.  Mainly, I don't have any.  It's just not in me to "shop."  Should I?  That is so strange to me.  I don't even like to shop for clothes.  I run to the thrift store when I need to replenish my supply of denim and occasionally find a dress that I like, but I'm just not a Mall person.  Ugh.

Years ago I had a boss who pushed me to try an internet dating site.  "Oh, you have to try it!  It's fun!"  So I tried it and it was completely stupid.  I understand it works for some people but, for me, it felt too much like applying for a job.  I had a job.  I have one now.  Anyway, my five day adventure yielded 3 therapists (the humor did not escape me) and a 19-year old who lived in Scotland.  I have nothing against long distance relationships (never mind the fact that I was 38), but I didn't have enough frequent flyer miles for that.  Actually, I didn't (and don't) have any...I'm pretty sure you have to fly in order to accumulate those. 

With the exception of a few wild years in my 20's, I just haven't dated that much.  So it's easy to remember a friend who pushes you to meet someone.  I was so resistant at the time that she invited me to dinner one night...and two of her co-workers showed up.  This friend really wanted me to hook up with this one particular guy, but seeing as how I don't really like being told what to do I dated the other guy instead.  I heard through the grapevine that the guy she wanted me to hook up with "came out of the closet" not long ago.

I ain't too stupid.

Right now I'm simply enjoying the adventures of my best friend.  She is a shopper.  She's been on more dates than anyone I know and she's gotten really good at it too.  She even had a date with a man of an ethnic origin that I will not mention, but let's say the culture is very much about "the resume'."  He very meticulously rattled off all his qualifications over dinner and later, in the car, zipped down his pants to show her his penis. He wasn't a pervert getting ready to attack, he was seriously presenting himself.  I am not making this up!  It's one of her better stories...and the reason I prefer not to shop.

I do like men, they just make me nauseous.  I'll get over it.

For now, I'm content.  I have work that I love and daughters who remind me that life is unpredictable, a little crazy, but altogether worthwhile. 

Even if you're single.