Women: Weight vs. Health?

In an effort to do what I'm supposed to do, I spent one of my vacation weeks checking in with various doctors.  One morning I got the dreaded mammogram (which wasn't anything like I expected, was nothing really) and in the afternoon I went to the gynecologist.  Another day I saw my primary care physician and I was quick to inform him (he who has never seen me naked in all the 17 years that I've been his patient) that I'd already taken care of the top and the bottom.  Thank you very much, I'll keep my clothes on. 

So he listened to my heart (it's still there) and my lungs (still breathing) and he poked all the usual spots looking for I don't know what...and we talked.  This is why I love my PCP.  He always stops poking, sits and asks me, "How are you doing?"  Well, I'm not one to go to the doctor every time I fart sideways, so I told him I was basically okay.  And I am, basically.  Then he asked me if I was still smoking.  Sigh.  Yes.  But, I informed him that I did quit for 8 months...last year.  He of course asked me why I started smoking again.  My response?  I gained too much weight.  Damn.  He shook his head and said, "I get that all the time from women."

Wow.  All the time.  Ladies, this is sad.  I can't speak for every woman, but I'm sure there are many who worry more about their weight than their health.  Why? 

Obviously, in my quest to evolve and find that perfect yin yang state of being I'm still pretty stupid.  Just because I am aware and awake in the subtle energies that surround me (and work with them as a Reiki Master), doesn't mean I've figured out how to get past the status quo of this stupid world we live in. 

And we are stupid.  Masculine energy wants to show the world who has the biggest dick, wins the wars and has the most money, babes, things...whatever.  What does feminine energy do?  Feminine energy tries to stop the wars.  Obviously this energy is not succeeding.  Not when little girls are being schooled in how to sell their body parts and men are still getting paid more (on average) for putting out less. 

If the world does end in 2012, this is why.

Fakin' It

I’ve lost weight before, but this time I’ve lost my boobs. I’m not sure where they went, but I’ve come to the realization that wherever they are they’re hanging out with belly rolls and a double chin that I no longer want. How dare they steal my girls!

This is so not fair. I’m not sure why. Maybe this is how men feel when their dicks no longer work.

The only thing I am sure of is that I’ve seriously considered a boob job. Seriously. I stopped coloring my hair to let my natural salt and pepper reign supreme (and I will never go back) but dammit, I want my boobs back. And if they insist on leaving me, permission not granted, then I have a right to do something about it…don’t I?

Apparently not. Another thing I am sure of is that my husband doesn’t like the idea at all. This seems rather inconsistent given the viewing pleasures of your average male. I just don’t get it.

I’m not treading unknown waters here. There’s a familiar line drawn between wife and slut. The moment you say I do, you can’t. Certainly, I understand the “wife in the kitchen, whore in the bedroom” mentality. That’s as it should be. No one wants to see their spouse acting all pornographic in public. Well maybe some do, but I’m talking about your average couple.

Having said all that, don’t let me fool you. I am 99.9% certain that I will never get a boob job. But that fraction of a percent of me that isn’t sure is very intrigued with the reasons why I might.

We all fake something. Why not boobs? Seriously. What’s the difference between pretending you like someone that you don’t, or pretending that you’re doing your job…and walking around with fake boobs? Other than the monetary expense, nothing.

Maybe what I’d really like to do is spend one day with double D water balloons just to see what I could get away with. Like a social experiment. I think it would be fun and funny. Boobs do have a way of bringing out the stupid in men.

Lame? Yes. Funny? Definitely. Come to think of it, those of us with boobs would have a lot less to laugh about if it weren’t for men. But they’re so cute!

Here’s what isn’t cute. Hypocrisy. Yes, if you’re reading this between the lines then you will notice some righteous feminine anger trying to evolve here.

Again, I’m not treading unknown waters. On the way to work this morning a local radio show presented this situation: A guy meets a girl at work and he is attracted to her because of the way she dresses, but once he hooks up with her he asks her to tone it down. Your thoughts?

I didn’t have time to respond or listen. Darn.

I have plenty to say about that. Mainly, it pisses me off. It’s not like men will ever stop lusting after the “slut.” But why do they not want their wives, girlfriends, significant others to be slutty?

Whether or not my boobs are real or fake is irrelevant.

Who’s faking here?  That is the question.

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