I’ve lost weight before, but this time I’ve lost my boobs. I’m not sure where they went, but I’ve come to the realization that wherever they are they’re hanging out with belly rolls and a double chin that I no longer want. How dare they steal my girls!
This is so not fair. I’m not sure why. Maybe this is how men feel when their dicks no longer work.
The only thing I am sure of is that I’ve seriously considered a boob job. Seriously. I stopped coloring my hair to let my natural salt and pepper reign supreme (and I will never go back) but dammit, I want my boobs back. And if they insist on leaving me, permission not granted, then I have a right to do something about it…don’t I?
Apparently not. Another thing I am sure of is that my husband doesn’t like the idea at all. This seems rather inconsistent given the viewing pleasures of your average male. I just don’t get it.
I’m not treading unknown waters here. There’s a familiar line drawn between wife and slut. The moment you say I do, you can’t. Certainly, I understand the “wife in the kitchen, whore in the bedroom” mentality. That’s as it should be. No one wants to see their spouse acting all pornographic in public. Well maybe some do, but I’m talking about your average couple.
Having said all that, don’t let me fool you. I am 99.9% certain that I will never get a boob job. But that fraction of a percent of me that isn’t sure is very intrigued with the reasons why I might.
We all fake something. Why not boobs? Seriously. What’s the difference between pretending you like someone that you don’t, or pretending that you’re doing your job…and walking around with fake boobs? Other than the monetary expense, nothing.
Maybe what I’d really like to do is spend one day with double D water balloons just to see what I could get away with. Like a social experiment. I think it would be fun and funny. Boobs do have a way of bringing out the stupid in men.
Lame? Yes. Funny? Definitely. Come to think of it, those of us with boobs would have a lot less to laugh about if it weren’t for men. But they’re so cute!
Here’s what isn’t cute. Hypocrisy. Yes, if you’re reading this between the lines then you will notice some righteous feminine anger trying to evolve here.
Again, I’m not treading unknown waters. On the way to work this morning a local radio show presented this situation: A guy meets a girl at work and he is attracted to her because of the way she dresses, but once he hooks up with her he asks her to tone it down. Your thoughts?
I didn’t have time to respond or listen. Darn.
I have plenty to say about that. Mainly, it pisses me off. It’s not like men will ever stop lusting after the “slut.” But why do they not want their wives, girlfriends, significant others to be slutty?
Whether or not my boobs are real or fake is irrelevant.
Who’s faking here? That is the question.
Female Chauvinist Pigs Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture - Ariel Levy
Hey KSRL, Yeah I was faking liking my job at Coke, then I found web design and I'm not looking back because I"m loving it!!!
ReplyDeleteI am a boob job.
ReplyDeleteMost men don't know the difference (unless they see you undressed) between real, fake and push up. The push up bra is thousands cheaper and doesn't potentially put your health in danger! Slap one on and go out there and make 'em oogle you!
ReplyDeleteIt's that double standard, isn't it? What we have to offer is right out there (more so with the slut:), but their "package" is well hidden until it's too late. And, btw, I think men do know if they're fake (my husband points them out to me all of the time), but I don't think they care. It's about linking their arm on someone others will envy. I have big boobs, despite a breast reduction!! :( They give you a sore neck, make it impossible to wear most clothes and get closer and closer to my belt every year. I think the reason why a husband doesn't want you to get a boob job is because he loves you the way you are. Won't stop him from ogling the slut in the room, but he doesn't want her to be his wife (i.e. unless he's Hugh Hefner). I say introduce your boobs to their new friend, your belly button and change in the dark.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to explain. We just love those fun bags ladies. Blame it on God because that's just how he put us together. So it's not our fault!!
ReplyDeleteWe like boobies, we like to look at 'em, compare them, touch them, kiss them, hug them, tuck them to bed at night, to accidentally rub up against them and say, "oops, my bad", we like to coddle them, love up on them, swim in 'em if big enough.
We just love boobies. So it that makes us bad, then we so be it!!!
The Milk Man!!!
In Alpharetta they're required, in a marathon they're a danger and in Africa they're non-existent. I'm just sayin'
ReplyDelete