Elementally Speaking: What's Your Sign?

"Fire, water...air and dirt...fucking magnets...how do they work?"

Insane Clown Posse

Quoting Insane Clown Posse again was not intentional, I swear.  They're just so fucking brilliant!  This blog will not be...but you'll laugh! 

So, my friend Isa, another Leo/fire sign, and I got together for some Little G Weevil at Blind Willie's.  Of course we sat up front, because the pedestals - I mean bar stools - were too far away from the action.  And of course we were loud.  That's just how it is.  Photo session with Little G?  Absolutely!  Hair?  Fabulous!  Fabulous meaning somewhere between don't fuck with me and just got laid.  Seriously, when it comes to Leos, if you don't know what you're doing...don't touch the hair!  Just get it over with.

The only thing missing was a couple of scorpions lurking in the background. 

For some reason, I'm hearing Cheech and Chong, although they are totally not Scorpios...but for the purposes of this blog, my Scorpios will have hippie Mexican accents.  No offense to either Scorpios or Mexicans.

Scorpio Cheech:  Duuuuude...this water is cold, it's fucking freezing in here!

Scorpio Chong:  Keep it down man, keep it down!  Smell that?

Scorpio Cheech (sniffing):  Ohhhhh...dude...is that what I think it is?!

Scorpio Chong:  Shhhhhhhhhh!  Siiiii...it is fire...and not just any fire...it is the...

Unison:  Jungle Boogie!  Score!  Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Scorpio Chong:  Yeah man, those bitches can hear a hyena fart two jungles away.

Scorpio Cheech:  So what's the plan? 

Scorpio Chong:  We have to study this situation...one false move and they'll eat us for breakfast.

Okay...SCENE!

This isn't complicated.  When it comes to elements, fire and water are very predictable.  Actually, fire is  more predictable...but both are strong forces of nature.  Both have the power to destroy everything in its path.  

Like this:

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Or like this:

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Either way, you're going to lose the house.  Indeed.  This pairing falls into the category of "hot mess." 

And if you look at what's going on in the world today (or, for that matter, at any time) the struggle between these two elements is obvious. The quest for fire and the need to control it will never cease.  The need for water is obvious.  This is why Leos and Scorpios, fire and water, are such natural magnets.  They need each other.  And while there's an inherent struggle for power that plays out really well in some ways, finding balance in other ways is very tricky. 

Between the two of us, Isa and I have five Scorpio ex-husbands.  We'd be good candidates for cosmetic surgeons specializing in the removal of scorpion ass sting scars.  Apparently, her ass has room for a few more because she has a date with one tonight.  Please join me in prayer. 

Seriously, my last Scorpio husband stung my ass good.  His need to control my fire was so great that I had one tiny little flame left in the end.  Fortunately, it was enough heat to slowly bring me back to the surface of those dark, murky waters.  I had to crawl back to the jungle.  Needless to say, my hair was a mess.  It took years to comb that shit out!

So.  Fire and Water.  Steam heat on a good day.  Sauna in hell the next.  Completely drowning is a possibility as well.

Have you ever tried fire and fire?  Yeah.  I had the brilliant idea to marry another Leo.  Talk about the blind leading the blind.  No kidding.  Every bad habit you have, latent or otherwise, will join forces in a blaze of glory.  This is when all hell breaks loose.  You don't need flood insurance.  And this pairing falls into the category of "fucking stupid."

It looks like this:

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I'm not well versed in any of this, but I'm capable of decent general analogies.  Air and dirt?  I'm guessing the worst case scenario is this:

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Since I'm not a meteorologist, I won't attempt to elaborate on the many variations.  There's mudslides, earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes...yadayadayada.  It's all about control.

In a perfect world, the elements find harmony.  It looks something like this:

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Nice!  Not too windy.  Probably not humid.  I'd save a fortune on hairspray!

Whatever your element, BE IN IT!  Claim it, own it and share it where needed...but don't ever give it away or let anyone steal it. 

Rather simplifies the whole concept of think globally, act locally doesn't it?

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The Tarot Tango: A Fool's Journey

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The mystery of evolution is no mystery.  We evolve.  From cavemen to condo dwellers, and everything in between, we have foolishly continued to search for things we already have.  Sometimes a little worse for the wear and tear, but ultimately better. 

I sure hope so.  If I had a dollar for every time I took one step too many and landed on my ass, I'd be rich.  Filthy rich.  However, I will credit myself with this:  I trust the process.

Wise men say only fools rush in, but that's okay because the process may be the only thing I do trust.  And I may not always look where I'm going, but when I get there I am exactly where I need to be.

My latest cliff diving adventure feels like the most successful yet.  I woke up in a funhouse of mirrors and through another saw parts of myself I had not considered before.  Simply put, we attract what we need to look at in ourselves.  In this case, everything was so distorted that it was laughable...a funhouse where no one got the joke until it was too late. 

I get it now.  With another roadblock out of the way, let the process begin...again.

KS:  Was that too short?

RL:  Yes, but it resonates.

Ting Tang Walla Walla Yin Yang

I told the witch doctor you didn't love me nice
And then the witch doctor, he gave me this advice
He said to ...

Witch Doctor - David Seville (Ross Bagdaserian Jr)

So my husband and I finally found ourselves on the "same page" for the first time in I don't know how long.  Quite a few pages actually, since even an uncontested divorce with a signed settlement agreement is quite lengthy.  

He's still in the house which is providing us with all sorts of opportunities, ranging from silence to somewhat friendly chit chat...and sometimes anger.  Mostly mine. I am the one who wears my heart on my sleeve and he is the wall I bang my head against.  Neither of us is right and neither of us is wrong.  It simply is what it is. 

And while it is my nature to question the underlying reasons for relationships at any stage, I am not immune to getting caught in the trappings of human angst along the way. 

Don't get me wrong.  I want this divorce.  I need this divorce.  We both do. But right now I'm feeling very angry and I don't know why.  I know it's a normal part of the process, but I want to know why. 

A friend of mine told me that my husband and I were like two children in a sandbox, with a line drawn between our toys.  This is a very good analogy as far as I'm concerned.  I showed him my toys, even the broken ones.  He guarded his.  And we're both fiery, strong-willed Leos who love to have a good time and make things fun for others.  Unfortunately, we sure didn't make things fun for each other.  Here's a good place to mention that I had an astrological reading some months ago and when I told the astrologer that my husband and I were born three days apart in the same year he had to check that out.  He told me that I was in the process of redefining myself (I thought everyone was) and that he would never have put the two of us together.  He was so matter-of-fact that his statement lingered and my thoughts were drawn to visions of why this would be true.

Relationships are just a hot evolutionary mess, but make no mistake about it...the most difficult relationships are the ones we need to pay attention to.  Difficult relationships teach us more than the easy ones I believe.  That's why they're so uncomfortable.  But when you find yourself banging your head against a wall it's time to wake up.

I'm awake for the first time in years.  I feel like I've been crawling through a tunnel through all manner of unnamed shit and debris.  There was no light and I had to feel my way.  Needless to say, my knees and elbows are bruised and bleeding and I don't smell so good right now. 

Call me crazy, I am grateful.  Just when I think I'm ready to receive, I find that once again I have very cleverly set up yet another road block. 

If you look back and you're honest with yourself, you will recognize every time that you have done that as well. 

How can I be angry with someone for not giving me what I want, when I deliberately attracted someone I knew would never give it to me in the first place?  That's why I'm angry.  That is the only reason we are ever angry, I think. 

I'll figure it out.  We all will.  If not this life, the next.

Bing bang!