The Dating Game: Who's in charge?

"We can dance, we can dance, everybody takin' the cha-a-a-ance...is it safe to dance?"

- Men In Hats

So the subject of dating has come up.  Damn.  There is nothing in this world that makes me more uncomfortable.  I'd rather stick toothpicks in my eyeballs than do what a lot of my friends do...advertise and shop.

I didn't realize until recently just how much I've avoided that whole process, in one way or another.  At a rather young age, the balance between trust and caution tipped the scales in favor of self preservation. 

And I'm not the lone ranger here.  Life is hard sometimes.  At any given point in time, we are a culmination of everything that has gone before.  If we're smart, we learn from it...and let it go.  If we're stupid, we get stuck.

I am stupid.  I've been married three times for all the wrong reasons...and without really meaning to.  It just happened.  And there was love, or something damned near like it, in the safest place to be - off the market. Gotta hide somewhere, right?  And we all hide from something...mainly, ourselves.  Or maybe it's just me.  Maybe I'm the only idiot on planet earth.  I highly doubt it, but it's possible.

Fortunately, I have a saving grace or two - a very deep sense of humor and a strong connection to "spirit."  I am very grateful for these attributes.  They allow me to laugh at myself and understand that from a big picture perspective, none of this really matters.

However, here we are.  On planet earth.  Human.  Admittedly, I've had some "out of this world" experiences in meditation and, on occasion, in my growing energy healing practice.  I don't see people so much as I feel them. As a result, my circle of influence has shifted quite a bit the past few years.  So now, at least, I know I'm not alone in that respect.  Thank God...or, whoever is in charge.

However, here I am.  On planet earth.  Human.  Luckily, the past few years of my life found me in exactly the right place at exactly the right time.  I unloaded thirty years worth of anger that I could no longer run away from.  Now that I'm "clear" of that, I'm left with the only thing to be found beneath any mask of anger.  Fear.  Double damn.  I may not be angry, but I still suck at being vulnerable. 

Which brings me back to dating.  Double doody damn. Where are those toothpicks?

Alright.  Kimmy Sue's gonna shift gears and give Ruby Lou a chance to run with reality and bring it down to earth.  (Or maybe it's the other way around?)

Why do people date? 

Well, I think it's safe to say that as human beings we all share a very basic human fear of dying alone.  It's normal.  As independent as I have always been, I can honestly admit that the thought of dying alone doesn't appeal to me either.  I'm pretty sure we all would like to know that in the end someone will be there...someone who cares enough about our stupid ass to call 911 when we fall and can't get up, or feed us when we can no longer feed ourselves.  That's what it really comes down to isn't it?

But...how to get there?  That is a question that seems to be forgetting the answer more often than not.  Especially today, with divorce rates being what they are.  I personally think marriage and divorce should be eliminated from the relationship dictionary.  The only thing you should ever have to sign for is a loan.  And a loan is something you borrow.  Just saying.

Either my gear shift is sticking, or Kimmy Sue and Ruby Lou are on the same page today.  Lucky you.  Ruby Lou swears way too much.

Where was I?

So, I've got friends trying to "fix me up."  I'm not quite ready for that, but for now I am rethinking my methods.  Mainly, I don't have any.  It's just not in me to "shop."  Should I?  That is so strange to me.  I don't even like to shop for clothes.  I run to the thrift store when I need to replenish my supply of denim and occasionally find a dress that I like, but I'm just not a Mall person.  Ugh.

Years ago I had a boss who pushed me to try an internet dating site.  "Oh, you have to try it!  It's fun!"  So I tried it and it was completely stupid.  I understand it works for some people but, for me, it felt too much like applying for a job.  I had a job.  I have one now.  Anyway, my five day adventure yielded 3 therapists (the humor did not escape me) and a 19-year old who lived in Scotland.  I have nothing against long distance relationships (never mind the fact that I was 38), but I didn't have enough frequent flyer miles for that.  Actually, I didn't (and don't) have any...I'm pretty sure you have to fly in order to accumulate those. 

With the exception of a few wild years in my 20's, I just haven't dated that much.  So it's easy to remember a friend who pushes you to meet someone.  I was so resistant at the time that she invited me to dinner one night...and two of her co-workers showed up.  This friend really wanted me to hook up with this one particular guy, but seeing as how I don't really like being told what to do I dated the other guy instead.  I heard through the grapevine that the guy she wanted me to hook up with "came out of the closet" not long ago.

I ain't too stupid.

Right now I'm simply enjoying the adventures of my best friend.  She is a shopper.  She's been on more dates than anyone I know and she's gotten really good at it too.  She even had a date with a man of an ethnic origin that I will not mention, but let's say the culture is very much about "the resume'."  He very meticulously rattled off all his qualifications over dinner and later, in the car, zipped down his pants to show her his penis. He wasn't a pervert getting ready to attack, he was seriously presenting himself.  I am not making this up!  It's one of her better stories...and the reason I prefer not to shop.

I do like men, they just make me nauseous.  I'll get over it.

For now, I'm content.  I have work that I love and daughters who remind me that life is unpredictable, a little crazy, but altogether worthwhile. 

Even if you're single.